THE MASK
Do not be fooled by me. Do not be fooled by the
mask I wear. For I am a young man who wears a thousand masks, masks that I am
afraid to take off, and none of them are the real me.
The art of Pretending is but my nature, but do not be fooled, for God's sake do
not be fooled. I give the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and
unruffled with me, within me... But don't believe me, please!
My surface may seem smooth and impassive, but my surface is just merely my mask.
Beneath this lies no conceit. Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear
and in loneliness. But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it. I panic and
become sad at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed. That's why I
frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to
help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows the real me. But such a
glance is precisely my salvation, my freedom, and I know it. That is if its
followed by love. It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure
myself. That I am worth something.
But I won't tell u this. I don't dare. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid your look, will
not be followed by acceptance and love. I'm afraid you will think less of me,
and you will laugh, at me and the laughter would kill me. I'm afraid that deep
down I'm nothing, that I'm no good, so I play my game, my desperate game. And so
begins the parade of masks. And my life becomes a front. I may talk to you in
courteous tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing that is really
everything, of what's crying deep within me. So when I'm going through my
routine do not be fooled by what I am saying. I may smile, I may laugh but only
I know what lies deep within.
Listen very carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying, what I'd like to be
able to say, what, for survival I NEED to say but what I CAN'T say.
I hate hiding, honestly! I hate this superficial game I'm playing, the phony
game of deceit. I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous and the real me
but you got to help me. You have to hold out their hand, even when its the last
thing I seem to want. only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare and
breathing death. Only you can call me into aliveness, into the real world. Each
time someone is kind and gentle, and encouraging, each time someone tries to
understand because they really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small
wings, very feeble wings, but wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy, and
your power of understanding, you alone can breathe life into me. I want you to
know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be the creator of a
person that is me if you choose to. You alone can break down the wall behind
which I tremble. You alone can release me from my shadow world of panic and
uncertainty, from my lonely person, my masked self. Do not pass me by.
Please.....do not pass me by.
A long conviction of worthlessness, loneliness, sadness, and fear builds strong
walls. The nearer someone approach me, the blinder I strike back, and the harder
I mask myself. I fight against the very thing I cry out for, but I am told that
love is stronger than walls, even the walls I've built and in this lies my hope,
my faith.
Life has taken me into many paths, from the dark ways to the light ways, none of them revealing my inner self to no-one but I.
The truth cries for mercy but is lulled by the false sense of security that denies its release from its facade.
The wall of trust had finally been broken. Broken into a false sense of security, where I had learned to trust once more.
My mask had finally fallen from its angered inner self revealing the part of the truth that acknowledges freedom.
But as I had suspected, their looks, they weren't followed by love and acceptance, merely only sneers, and looks of denial....
That's when I had learned that I was once again, right. That sometimes we need to bury the devils deep within us where it had come from, back into its shadows, never to see the light of day again, because it would never be accepted. If it cant be accepted my its creator, it will never be accepted in this world... a world of cruelty.
Once again the mask of falseness slowly returns to its place, to cover my soul. And Once again the wall of mistrust and internal hatred builds, finally before the truth is cloaked and masked once more.
My thoughts are I hold no meaning in life, and life holds no meaning to me, it merely just becomes a front to hide the truth that hides inside me. The truth which had been waiting to come out of its deceitful shadow. The truth which had been unwanted and unaccepted.
I am one not to be loved, for those I love the most in life are taken from me, and those who I despise never leave me alone.
They have never seen behind the mask, and they dare not to. I started once as a lonely Stranger, keeping within myself, and once again I return to my path of loneliness. A path with no place for love. A path of a person, a person hidden behind a mask of happiness...
What is life?
There's nothing left to life but violence, hatred and anger. Its the world I see today... The world in which children suffer for the sins of others... The world in which hatred runs our lives...
I see in the world today that love is altered to hatred....
Its A world filled with problems.
And I... I am just another mortal, trying to hide, the inner depth of me, as one day, that will be the cause of a life which fails; a life replaced with death.
Once again I return to my reigns of darkness in self anger for uncloaking and unmasking the soul hidden deep within.
Once again I will try, to use the mask of happiness which had once fallen off.
Who am I you may wonder. I am someone you know very
well, yet I am no-one.
I had merely come to this
world alone and I will leave alone.
I came as a Stranger, from deep within the shadows and will once again, in life
leave as a Stranger for I had never been accepted for who I was; only for what
the mask had shown...
Something Similar to this was written by
someone else and I saw a reflection. Therefore I had changed a lot
and added a lot of it to reflect my true self. The
real me that's deep within the mask I wear....
These are just my feelings, and my reasons why I've changed as many people have
questioned my motives and my changes.
I made this so I could send it to people to allow them to see a glimpse of me as
many know me as Stranger. I've built myself a reputation, but on that, no-one
sees me for who I am. Only what good I have done.
This was truly only made for one person, but it will also help people understand
me, my lack of trust and my reasons for not showing the
revelation of the inner me..
I was accepted by a few for who I have become and flamed by many. It shows the world we live in today is filled with hatred.
I used to fight for people, which is why as many bad people that I knew, I never got involved as I never wanted to ruin lives.
But the very people I fought for are the same people, who have rejected, humiliated me and shown me the world isn't aware and has no place for people with problems who seek answers... who seek comfort. You will only be ridiculed, as its always easier to destroy a person then it is to help them.
Life is a Jail Sentence... I'm merely doing time, and have tried many times to break out... Before I did that, I tried to help as many as possible, so when I eventually did go, at least I go with memories being left behind of a person who had tried.
Soon I will be successful, but Instead of going with the thoughts of doing good for humanity when I could; I'll go with the thoughts of knowing that I would never have been accepted anyway.
I've never turned down a plea for help, but all hope I had is shattered into tiny fragments... Fragments which when picked up, cut deep.
If You are interested in seeing more, then please click my name and email me.
I will try complete my autobiography soon, if I'm ever alive that long.
If you want Poems Click my Poems Link
© 2004 The Mask of a Stranger